梵高的第一封信和最后一封信
梵高在黑白的人生里画出了最明媚的色彩。而满座的电影院里,每个人都陷入了深深的孤独和静默之中。
如果我的人生有什么悔恨的话,也许是太晚才见到梵高。前几天刚写的关于马尔克斯的文章提到自己的抑郁症期间,今天又必须要提到自己这一段混沌的日子。(新片《梵高:永恒之门》的影评。)
我离开英国的之前,在伦敦住了一段时间。游荡中我走进了大英美术馆,在最后的几个展厅里突然撞见梵高的画。在静默的冷色展厅中,《向日葵》如烈日一般辐射出光芒。我从前在书上见过《向日葵》,也在大开本的画集里见过。然而见到真正的梵高所带给我的震撼,至今在都在脑海中泛着阵阵余波。画面上层层叠叠的油彩,厚厚地堆砌起这一束向日葵;越是颜色耀眼明亮的地方,颜料就越发的厚实,仿佛向日葵争相在梵高的眼里绽放开来,透出纸面放射出刺破黑暗与孤独的愉悦光芒。同时,我也能感到梵高的兴奋与对沟通交流的渴望,虽然有些疯狂,但未曾绝望,未曾叹息。今天这部电影里一个旁人这样形容梵高:"What a lonely person is he that a thieving crow could make his day bright. (他是何等孤独的一个人,一只偷食(他午饭)的乌鸦也能点亮他的一天。)"
这部电影里引用了梵高写给弟弟的两封信,让人异常触动。一封来自他最初励志成为画家的时候,一封来自他人生的最后时刻。我在这里各翻译一小段。
Letter 249 最初的一封信
To Theo van Gogh. The Hague, on or about Friday, 21 July 1882.
...
What am I in the eyes of most people? A nonentity or an oddity or a disagreeable person — someone who has and will have no position in society, in short a little lower than the lowest.
在别人眼里我是什么样的人。我是一个没有身份的人,一个怪异的存在,一个不合群的人——一个在社会里没有地位,比最卑微者更卑微的存在。
Very well — assuming that everything is indeed like that, then through my work I’d like to show what there is in the heart of such an oddity, such a nobody.
好吧。假设一切便是如此罢了。但通过我的画作,我要人们看见我这样一个卑微的肉体里尚住着一个灵魂。
This is my ambition, which is based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion.
这是我的野望。它不因愤恨而起,而是因为我爱着,无条件地爱;因为一种隐忍而非激情。
Even though I’m often in a mess, inside me there’s still a calm, pure harmony and music. In the poorest little house, in the filthiest corner, I see paintings or drawings. And my mind turns in that direction as if with an irresistible urge. As time passes, other things are increasingly excluded, and the more they are the faster my eyes see the picturesque. Art demands persistent work, work in spite of everything, and unceasing observation.
也许我总是一团糟,但我的心里仍存有平静,纯粹的和弦和乐音。在最破败的室内,最污秽的角落,我依旧看见艺术和绘画。而我的思想朝着那方向而去,像无法遏制的冲动。时间流逝,更多的东西被忽视,我便越发清晰地看见了绘画。艺术呼唤不竭的动力,不断工作,永无停歇的洞见(观察observation)。
Letter 638 最后的一封信
To Theo van Gogh. Arles, Monday, 9 or Tuesday, 10 July 1888.
...
Just as we take the train to go to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to go to a star. What’s certainly true in this argument is that while alive, we cannot go to a star, any more than once dead we’d be able to take the train. So it seems to me not impossible that cholera, the stone, consumption, cancer are celestial means of locomotion, just as steamboats, omnibuses and the railway are terrestrial ones.
正如我们坐火车去塔拉斯孔或鲁昂,我们乘上死亡而到达星星之上。无法改变的事实是,活着的我们无法到星星上去,如同死了便赶不上火车一般。所以对我而言,霍乱、乱石、肺痨、癌症像是天国的运输工具;亦如蒸汽船、小巴、火车是人世间的运输工具。
To die peacefully of old age would be to go there on foot.
平静的老死好似去天空远足一般。
For the moment I’m going to go to bed because it’s late, and I wish you good-night and good luck.
这一刻我便要睡去,因为天色已晚。我祝你晚安和好运。
Handshake.
Ever yours,
Vincent
握手。
你永远的,
文森特
梵高身边的人都被他当做模特画过像。在电影里,这些画像里的人变成了动图,带我们走过梵高的一生。