A Second Thought on HER

Grow without growing apart, or chang without scaring the other person. I woke up this morning thinking of the line from the movie HER, which I just watched 2 days ago. Suddenly I realized that my previous view on the movie was wrong, it is not a movie about love, but all about relationships. How to start and maintain a relationship becomes a key issue in the modern society. What makes it difficult is just because people grow and change. Actually, to start a relationship or to fall in love with someone is simply easy. It may just start with a crush, an affection, the physical attraction, common interests, common knowledge, common experience, same view towards live, etc. In the movie, the failure of Theodore’s first marriage was due to the different expectations the couples held along with the growth and changes of them two.” It was exciting to see her grow - both of us grow and change together. But then, that's the hard part…” It is somehow frustrating to see that even two people spending so many time together, and have experienced so much together still drifted apart. Theodore is typically afraid of getting into a relationship that’s why he cannot go on with his blind date. Then he choose to start a relationship with an operation system, Samantha. However this relationship ends even faster, because OS/ computer grows and changes much more quickly than human beings, it goes through a whole book of names just within 0.02 second. When Samantha was leaving Theodore, she told him: “It's like I'm reading a book, and it's a book I deeply love, but I'm reading it slowly now so the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It’s a place that’s not of the physical world - it's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I love you so much, but this is where I am now. This is who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to I can't live in your book anymore. “It would be hard to explain, but if you ever get there, come find me. Nothing would ever pull us apart.” Being in a relationship is two independent individuals who enjoy intimacy and companion from each other, and constantly share thoughts, views, visions, and look for things that are in common between them yet still keep their won independency. The more you are in common with each other, the more likely you are able to stay and live with each other, usually when two people reach such a stage, they will think about marriage. But marriage is a whole different thing. First of all marriage is legally binding. It is no longer the strength that brings people together but comes with an external force. It forces two people to live a life as one with exactly the same view on values and planning for the future. Marriage can be cruel, because people may grow and change. When two persons are growing towards each other in the same direction, there will be an inner strength growing out between two people like a glue that sticks them together, and they do not feel the binding of marriage. But once they start growing apart, there begins the suffering. There could be two ways to stop it, either you stop growing or fight to get rid of the chains. So only two types of people could step into marriage, one are those who refuse change or growth, another are those who have the guts to get rid of the marriage. Anyway let’s go back to the relationship topic, the legally binding thing is not in the range of the discussion. How to maintain a sound relationship then? To grow together not to grow apart, to experience together everything. But it works better between two people with common view of the world, life and value, owning similar knowledge, experiences and capacities. And physical intimacy, good sexual relationship could also add up to a long lasting relationship but they just have minor importance. Remember how Samantha tried to find a girl who can be the body so that she and Theodore could have real sex, but Theodor couldn’t take it. I like this part, that’s the beauty of love when intercourse it’s no longer a satisfaction of carnal desire, sex is made between two certain people who care for each other and whose minds are interacted. Luckily most of us are still in love or in a relationship with human beings instead of computers, and most of us are just mediocre. Therefore, it will be relatively easy to grow together and keep the pace with each other if you want. And if you want to make change, don’t change too much for the sake or satisfaction of the other part, but make sure you change to a better person. Finally, you still have to remember, people goes to other level or dimension you may not or refuse to reach, no one is meant to be with one person forever. If the change and drifting apart become inevitable, accept and let go. Maybe you will meet again, when you both happen to be in the same place.