困在春天，体验夏季

很久很久以前就听过 mystery of love，只是音乐就能给人一种梦幻般夏天的回忆。最近髌骨脱位被困在宿舍，错过了南京难有的春天。万分遗憾之余，听了室友的推荐，在周日晚上想体会下意大利的夏日。

抛开情节不谈，很多东西其实深刻的戳中我。作为暗恋者， E的好奇，模仿，敏感，隐藏，挣扎，装作毫不在意，笨拙又娇嗔地示爱，试图挽留一切又逃避一切，我实在是过于熟悉。

我曾有过一个非常非常喜欢的人，现在仍是非常喜欢，但是已经不能再回头。他热情、风趣、为人处世灵活又妥帖，所以，哪怕有万种不该，我还是抛弃了自己一贯坚守的克制冷静，压抑真实的自己，模仿学习他的一切，尝试隐藏却更加严重地暴露自己的笨拙。是的，我曾得到回应，但因为自己的敏感和可怜的自尊，在他面前压抑了所有的爱， 装作一个游刃有余的高手，没有彻底享受暧昧和得到的滋味。无论他心迹如何，我都没有做到活在当下，没有全心全意地去爱、去开心、去悲伤。

E最后对着烛火泪光闪烁，我把它理解为告别。我也要告别了，告别久别重逢，告别人流熙攘中牵手畅谈，告别深夜酒吧秘而不宣，告别冷风中相拥，告别那个冬季，迎来自己的春天，放肆地爱，放肆地活，放肆地悲伤和恨。

结局时E爸爸说的话，我也想送给我自己：

"In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don’t snuff it out. Don’t be brutal with it. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything ― what a waste!

How you live your life is your business. Remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it.

Right now there’s sorrow. Pain. Don’t kill it and with it the joy you’ve felt."

夏天快来了，但是冬天已经永远地远离了我，so I flow。