Queers. Episode Script
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Queers. s01e01 Episode Script
The Man On the Platform
Douglas Fairbanks there thinks he's in with a chance.
A bit of company on a wet Friday night.
Except old Dougie doesn't have a cast in his eye and a built-up shoe.
At least, not last time I was at the flickers.
It's always the eyes.
That's how you know.
A glance held just that little bit too long, dragged off to one side, like the trail of a Very light in the dark.
After the do, the, um, interview .
.
the officer asks me, not unkindly, I must say, "So how do you chaps, "chaps like you and the captain, know one another?" So I told him.
Not my words, something somebody said to me once.
"A certain liquidity of the eye.
" That's how HE knew.
My eyes are bad, mind you.
Too bad for shooting Prussians at any rate, so I was shunted onto hospital work.
"Cushy", says Sam.
"That's a charabanc holiday, Perce.
"You always wanted to see France, didn't you?" I remember my first day in resus - the resuscitation tent.
That's where they take the dying or the nearly dying and the shocked ones.
There's heated beds to put some life back into them, and transfusions.
Our guns were going hell for leather.
The sky was all lit up - powdery, green.
Horrible green.
Like the air was sick.
Star shells, Verys, dumps going up.
And then the ambulances come in and we have to ferry them in, the ones that can't walk.
And they've got these labels on them that tell you what's wrong with them.
Like left luggage.
Have you ever carried a stretcher? Bloody horrible.
You feel like your arms are going to pop out of their sockets.
Some chaps can get very heavy.
Those that can walk into the hospital .
.
are covered in mud and salt sweat.
Caked in it.
All stiff and cracked, like moving statues, like those poor fuckers in Pompeii what got covered in lava.
I've seen photographs of them in the lending library.
And then, in the resus tent, a thing you'd never expect.
Silence.
Not a moan or a groan.
They're beyond all that, I suppose, most of them.
Smoking, breathing, just about.
Mind you, I've seen what a transfusion can do and it is a bloody miracle.
Lads with one foot in the grave and their pulses all thready, they have the transfusion, they're up, they're joking, they're having a smoke in a couple of hours.
I said to Captain Leslie, I said, "You wouldn't credit it, would you? "It's like It's like witchcraft.
" "Sounds about right", he says, "since we're in hell.
" But he says it with a smile and when he does that there's these creases in his cheeks like ripples in the sand.
"You're a credit to this unit, Percy", he says to me.
"You've all the tenderness of a woman.
" And he shakes my hand.
"It's Terrence," he says and I says, "What is?" He says, "Me.
"My name.
Terence Lesley.
"Do call me Terence.
"I can't bear all this formal rot.
" But he's an officer and it don't seem right, so, "I'll stick to Captain Leslie," I say, "if it's all the same.
" He just smiles again and shrugs.
And his eyelashes are long.
Long and blonde.
I can't see much of his hair cos it's under his cap, but then one day I'm bringing in a stretcher .
.
and he takes his hat off and, just like that, his hair tumbles out.
Yellow as corn.
And I must have stared because he grins at me and pushes his hair out of his eyes and says, "Come along, Perce, stir your stumps.
" But I don't move.
And just for a bit Well, like I say, held just a just a moment too long.
Douglas Fairbanks over there will give me a wink in a minute.
There you go.
HE SIGHS KNOWINGLY I've always been a skinny bugger, me.
Thin as a whip, Mother says.
Father was the same.
Mother always had a bit more beef on her after she had Albert and me, and there was one before us.
A boy.
But he died.
He was called Percy, an' all.
Poison berries.
Never think a thing like that can happen, but it does.
I can remember Mother showing me the pictures in the medicine book, all shiny and glossy pictures like Jesus in the book at Sunday School.
And little Percy had grabbed a handful of these berries and .
.
that was that.
Box, I think, the berries.
Black, like little bullets.
Like liquorice sweeties.
Maybe that's what little Percy thought they was.
Anyway, they done for him and then, a year or so after that, along comes I and they call me Percy, too.
A bit odd, some might say, a bit morbid, but Mother always said that she could see him in me.
And she looks so funny when she says that to me .
.
and she looks so sad.
But I don't think it's just because of little Percy because there was another time she looked at me the same way.
It was freezing, I remember that.
We was waiting for a train.
Dad had some business in Reading, I forget what it was.
We were to come with and make a day of it.
I was 15, thereabouts.
Albert was 12.
I'd been dispatched in search of tea and buns.
They all sat in the waiting room, steam coming off them like wet dogs.
Anyway, I'm on my way to the refreshments and there's a commotion, so I think, "Oh, the train must be coming in," so I say to the girl behind the tea stall, pretty girl I remember with bows in her hair, I ask her to get a shift on.
She says, "What's the hurry? The Reading train isn't in for another "quarter of an hour.
" So I think, "What's all the fuss about, then?" And then I see it ahead of me on the platform.
Policemen, at least I think they're policemen, but then I look properly and they're not, they're from the jail.
Dark uniforms, little hats with shiny brims.
And between them, well, aa prisoner .
.
waiting to be taken away, I suppose.
And it's not the first time I've seen as such.
I used to see them a lot, poor bastards, shuffling along in their chains and the arrows on their clothes.
And it's rough clobber, like to make you itch, worse than this.
So, "Why are all these folk whispering and pointing?" I wonder.
So I look at the chap in the chains and he's a big chap, sort of like a big bear of a fella.
With a big slack, pouchy face.
Fat-ish, except it's all sunk in now, and his hair, which was most likely black as your hat is now shot through with grey.
And he looks wretched.
As well he might.
There's rain dripping off his hair and down the creases in his big face.
And then I realise, it's not just rain, he's bloody crying.
And then he looks at me.
And there it was.
In that moment .
.
a certain liquidity of the eye.
And then he looks back down at his boots and it's as if the whole world has come tumbling down around him.
I stand there.
And I think, "He knows me.
"He knows me for what I am.
"He can see it in me.
" And I start to shake.
And it's not from the cold, it's shame.
And fear and .
.
terror.
And someone starts laughing.
And there's a little girl and she's wandered close to the prisoner.
She's got a little wooden horse on a dirty bit of string.
And then her mother goes up and drags the girl away from the man as if he were like to eat her up.
And then I hear it, a name.
Whispered behind fancy gloves and November hands what are stiff with cold.
"It's him, isn't it?" And suddenly Dad's beside me and he's gripping my arm and he says, "You all right, Perce?" And he's proper worried.
And there's a sort of ringing noise in my ear and I feel for a moment like I might faint, but then this chap goes straight up to the prisoner on the platform and he He spits in his face.
And Dad looked shocked.
And just then, the train comes puffing into the station, steam everywhere.
And I look back to the prisoner, but he's covered now in a great big cloud of steam.
Dad picks up the tea and the buns and he gets us into the carriage.
It smells of damp wool and musty, like church, and there's little beads of rain on the window, the open window.
And Mum pulls down the leather strap and the sound sort of .
.
snaps me out of it.
"What was all that fuss about there, Clem?" And Dad sups at his tea and it hangs in little drops from the ends of his Kitchener 'tashe.
"You won't believe it," he says.
"Out there on the platform, waiting to be taken to prison" "Who?" pipes up Albert.
And he looks at us and he shakes his head in wonder.
"Oscar Wilde!" he says.
And then Mum looks at me.
Tender, like I've never had the nerve.
That's the thing, I suppose.
A notion of getting in trouble or being a bother I could always imagine Mother's face if she found out I'd been up to things.
And I couldn't bear it, I couldn't bear to disappoint, so I didn't, I didn't do anything about it.
Not even a tuppeny wank with Sam or nothing.
I kept my own counsel, as they say.
Also, there was a girl who was sweet on me.
Annie.
And that sort of stopped people asking, I suppose.
We courted for a long while, but she got fed up because I never asked her to marry me.
I took on like Annie had broke my heart and then, what with one thing or another and then the war, it sort of, somehow, I got away with it.
A lot of questions, of course.
Especially when all us Tommies were billeted together for the first time.
"You married?" "No.
" "You got a girl?" "Well, I used to.
" And then one day, in Amiens, there was a sort of lull.
Hot as hell it was.
Not what you think.
People think of all that mud and rain, but we was there the live long year and sometimes it was hot and parched.
Fucking flies everywhere.
Blue and green bellies on them.
Fat.
Great clouds of them because of the dead bodies.
And Captain Leslie comes up to me and he slaps me on the shoulder and he says, "Come along, Perce, we're going hunting.
" And I say, "What?" He says, "Butterflies", because we're camped on this sort of downland.
And there's marigolds and poppies all over, little splashes of colour.
I can still taste the dust.
Chalky in your mouth and your hair and .
.
on the Dunlop tyres like white paint, because Terrence had only gone and got us bicycles, the silly bugger.
And it was only for a few hours but you could forget, you know, for a bit, everything that was going on.
And we came to this sort of lake.
It was a crater hole, I suppose, and the water was glass green and clear like a perfume bottle.
And Terence, he starts hollering and rattling the bike down to the water and he pulls off all his clothes and in he goes.
I follows, and then we go splashing about in our birthday suits.
And he's brick red from the sunshine, but not where his shirt's been, so he's got this sort of red face and arms, and the rest of him is He's like a ghost.
And after we've swum about, we just lie in the grass and fall asleep.
You can hear the buzz of the flies, but they are way off and some of the ones that are closer are butterflies, so that's all right, and I just .
.
lie there and I watch Terence sleeping and .
.
his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.
And his hair is golden.
And the line of his jaw is just sort of .
.
perfect.
Like a draughtsman's drawn it.
Like I'd drawn it.
And his lips are dark and full and they're like bramble.
And all I want to do is bend down and And he opens his eyes .
.
and squints.
And he lifts his hand to cover them so he can see better.
And he says, "We'd best be getting back.
" We all had on us the stench of death.
The bread we ate, the stagnant water, everything we touched had a rotten smell.
But that day, everything was OK.
It was bright.
And it was pure, you see? And nobody had seen, had they? I've done my bit.
The officer mentioned that.
Exemplary service.
When he took me aside for a quiet word.
And of course, what had Terence and me What had the Captain and me .
.
got up to? Sweet FA.
But someone had seen us and .
.
they thought, "Hello, what's going on here?" And it's bad for morale and all of that, so I was to be sent elsewhere.
And, of course, I didn't get to see the Captain, did I? Because he'd been transferred, too.
I was packed onto this carriage .
.
sweat and tobacco smelling and fellas pushing up against you and shoving for room, and the train gives a great big lurch and then it starts off.
I just sit down on the floor and pull me cap over me eyes and drift off.
I don't know how much time has passed, but I wake up and it's dark outside.
And the train's pulling into a station and in the carriage it's just these little night lights on - bluey.
They make everyone look three-parts dead.
And the train pulls into the station and it's going slow, like, puffing, like some of them boys in the resus tent.
And then, I do see him.
Terence.
He's out the window, on the platform.
Grey coat, hair tucked under his cap, neat.
And he's talking to someone.
And they must have made him laugh cos there's those little lines in his cheeks again.
But he don't see me.
So I push through the carriage past the other fellas and it's not easy now cos most have dropped off and I trip over some poor bugger and he curses me, but I make it to the window and I pull down the sash .
.
and the air outside is warm.
And all I want to do is wave.
But, of course, what can I say? Um "So long, Captain Leslie?" "So long, Perce.
" But then he does see me.
He glances over, but he's still talking to his pal and just then the train lurches forward.
The brakes go on and the blue lights go out and just like that, pitch-black.
And all the other fellas in the carriage start groaning and someone says, "Oh, here we fucking go," but all I can feel is my heart beating and the air.
And the darkness pressing against the window and my hand gripping the window ledge.
And then someone takes my hand.
Someone outside on the platform.
And it's Terence.
And he takes my hand and he just .
.
lifts it to his lips and he kisses it.
There's no train then, there's no troops, there's no war.
There's just his bramble lips pressed against the tips of my fingers .
.
and all the hair on my neck goes up on end.
And then the train lurches forward and he's let go of my hand and all the blue lights go on, and Outside there's nothing but steam.
Steam and darkness.
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Queers. Episode Scripts | More Television Show Episode Scripts
Queers. s01e02 Episode Script
A Grand Day Out
There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.
You know, just round A couple of streets from here.
Does completely veggie.
I had a falafel.
It was nice.
It was OK.
Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.
There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.
Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.
Ah, shit.
Oh, well.
Two fellas over there.
Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.
Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.
You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.
There would be some honesty in that.
We hate you and, you know, piss off.
At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.
Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.
But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.
He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.
It's impressive when you see it.
The House of Commons.
Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.
I just come down on my own.
I wasn't planning to.
I hadn't thought of it, really.
I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.
I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.
I should go.
" You know, show them that we count.
You know, we do exist.
It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.
I just knew he was important, Jarman.
I've seen his version of The Tempest.
It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.
I never even knew they were a thing.
And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.
I haven't watched it yet.
That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.
No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.
Morons.
There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.
Daz.
All he'd talk about was wanking.
You know, he was obsessed.
It's all he went on about.
And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.
Wanking or punching.
And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like.
"This is like1984.
" I couldn't wait to leave.
I ran from that place.
Well, metaphorically.
Well, literally.
They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.
I hated it.
We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.
Most people were in groups, actually.
I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.
There were some banners and signs and people had candles.
You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.
Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.
And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.
I saw him looking.
Caught his eye.
Looked back.
He was You know, he was lovely.
I can be a bit shy.
And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.
I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.
You know, 200.
Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.
I don't know anyone else who's gay.
And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people.
" And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.
Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.
And I know you shouldn't do that.
And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.
And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.
It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.
Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.
You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.
I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.
That's the point.
And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know .
.
ten minutes.
Then everyone went home.
And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.
And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.
There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.
But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.
That's kind of interesting, the distortion.
I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.
We were all just fed up.
And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.
That's his name, Marcus.
Of course it is, sorry.
"Mar-cous".
We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.
It was a bit Not It was OK.
I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.
I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.
It's not snobby.
I'm not a snob.
My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not .
.
you know, posh.
Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.
And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.
I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.
He's a lot older than me.
He's 30, but he was You know, nice.
He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.
He had this jam that's made without any sugar.
And we talked a bit.
He said he'd been on a few marches and things.
You know, not just gay, but other stuff.
Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.
We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.
And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now.
" You know, because I'm 18.
I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.
That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.
But when he came back in the living room with the bedding .
.
he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.
Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.
It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.
Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.
But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.
The duvet didn't have a cover on it.
The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it.
" So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.
That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.
He's all right.
He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.
And that seemed to go down well.
And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude.
" But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock.
" But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.
And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.
In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.
But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.
I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.
And Sean.
We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.
I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.
He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.
I almost wished he wouldn't.
I almost wanted him to just go for it.
Almost.
And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.
It didn't seem as important as it might have done.
I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.
I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
I had a real coffee earlier.
I think it's kicking in.
There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.
I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now.
" You know, fucking And that felt great.
Oh, I felt great.
You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.
I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.
I wasn't dwelling on them.
I'm not a pervert.
But it did give it a A frisson.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.
I've only ever seen it written down.
That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.
And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and .
.
all I could think was .
.
"I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.
They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.
You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.
I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.
If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.
So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.
Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.
I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.
I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.
I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.
She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.
Have you tried it? I had some once.
I wouldn't go mad.
It's not really a substitute.
He's got his hand on his leg now.
Those two blokes.
It's just nice to see.
You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.
Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.
But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.
My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.
Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.
They won't be expecting me to be on it.
They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.
I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.
I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.
You know, it was good fun.
It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 .
.
then I'd have gone straight home.
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Queers. s01e02 Episode Script
A Grand Day Out
There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.
You know, just round A couple of streets from here.
Does completely veggie.
I had a falafel.
It was nice.
It was OK.
Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just wondered.
There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.
Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm So, you didn't see News at Ten, no? No.
Ah, shit.
Oh, well.
Two fellas over there.
Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.
Yeah, well, not No, I know, but 18.
You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.
There would be some honesty in that.
We hate you and, you know, piss off.
At least that would have been consistent but, yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal.
Yeah, well, big wow! Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.
But, well, it's just It's 1994! You know, Jesus! That's what this fella said last night.
He said it was good and that things were changing but it just makes you I don't want to be tolerated, you know? I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.
It's impressive when you see it.
The House of Commons.
Have you been? It's bigger than it looks on telly.
I just come down on my own.
I wasn't planning to.
I hadn't thought of it, really.
I mean, I knew the vote was coming up, the reading of the bill.
I've been following it, but Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died and, erm You know, not like it was a sign or anything, I don't believe in all that, but I just thought "Sod it.
I should go.
" You know, show them that we count.
You know, we do exist.
It does matter, the things they're talking about, so I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.
I just knew he was important, Jarman.
I've seen his version of The Tempest.
It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.
I never even knew they were a thing.
And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.
I haven't watched it yet.
That's been the best thing about sixth form, is discovering things like that.
No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.
Morons.
There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.
Daz.
All he'd talk about was wanking.
You know, he was obsessed.
It's all he went on about.
And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.
Wanking or punching.
And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like.
"This is like1984.
" I couldn't wait to leave.
I ran from that place.
Well, metaphorically.
Well, literally.
They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.
I hated it.
We were outside for hours last night, shifting around, trying to keep warm.
Most people were in groups, actually.
I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall, that kind of thing.
There were some banners and signs and people had candles.
You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was, I'm telling you.
Flipping heck! And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom because it took ages.
And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.
I saw him looking.
Caught his eye.
Looked back.
He was You know, he was lovely.
I can be a bit shy.
And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done, whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.
I couldn't see who they were and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think, "Oh" You know, because we'd been there for so long because Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.
You know, 200.
Enough for it to feel like You know, because I'm used to being on my own.
I don't know anyone else who's gay.
And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know, I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people.
" And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.
Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.
And I know you shouldn't do that.
And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal, so it was like a It was like a kick in the teeth.
And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons, towards the doors he had come out of.
It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of, you know, pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, "Is this?" Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.
Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted, "Let's go to Downing Street," and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit You know, self-conscious, I suppose.
You know, but also, like You know, because I was pissed off, too, and the police were getting a bit Well, not mardy but It was late.
I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.
That's the point.
And so what do you do? So we did that for, you know .
.
ten minutes.
Then everyone went home.
And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble.
And there was no minority out to cause trouble, it was sopiddly.
There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.
But to read the papers, the bit there is, you'd think it was a kind of riot.
That's kind of interesting, the distortion.
I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.
We were all just fed up.
And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus, that I'd been sitting in the road with, he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought Well, you know, but what do you do? I had nowhere to go, and so I did.
That's his name, Marcus.
Of course it is, sorry.
"Mar-cous".
We went back to his, his flat, and it was You know, I mean, it was fine.
It was a bit Not It was OK.
I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London London is just a place, isn't it? Like any other.
I suppose you think, London You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.
It's not snobby.
I'm not a snob.
My mate Sean is proper bourgeois, though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not .
.
you know, posh.
Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.
And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.
I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so Yeah, it was cool.
He's a lot older than me.
He's 30, but he was You know, nice.
He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.
He had this jam that's made without any sugar.
And we talked a bit.
He said he'd been on a few marches and things.
You know, not just gay, but other stuff.
Poll tax, and You know, so it was interesting.
We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the What is it? Put the world to rights.
And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now.
" You know, because I'm 18.
I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.
That's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought "Right" You know? I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean Well, I'm not not a virgin.
But when he came back in the living room with the bedding .
.
he was starkers and I thought "Blimey!" You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.
Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.
It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped round his.
Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.
But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.
The duvet didn't have a cover on it.
The things that go through your head! You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet "without a cover on it.
" So then, he was there You know, "Hello, boys!" So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head, just softly, and that was actually quite nice.
That sounds pathetic, doesn't it? I'm not an idiot, I knew what Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, he's letting me stay over and he's not Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.
He's all right.
He's not Kristian Schmidt, but So I put him in my mouth.
And that seemed to go down well.
And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now, "you know, if I'm not up for this, "I've kind of got to say something now "because you don't want to be rude.
" But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, "Is this all right?" And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think, "Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock.
" But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.
And I was kind of talking to myself, saying, "Is this all right? Is this OK?" You know, keeping calm.
In my head, not No, I think that might have put him off.
But it was just nice not to be rushed because I suppose everything I've done up till now has been at parties with lads from college who Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.
I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them, there's not, believe me, really just me and Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.
And Sean.
We Not, not regularly, you know, not If he's drunk and in the right mood, and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time, but Well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.
I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything - you know, with an accountant! I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but Well, he didn't You know, he was nice, patient.
He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.
I almost wished he wouldn't.
I almost wanted him to just go for it.
Almost.
And I think, weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.
It didn't seem as important as it might have done.
I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.
I think I mean, it wasn't easy really, but While we were doing it I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
I had a real coffee earlier.
I think it's kicking in.
There was a moment where I was thinking, "Two hours ago I was outside Parliament "and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this," and that made me laugh, and that turned him on because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it, and I was getting into it, but not because of Not just because of him.
I was thinking about all the tossers who'd opposed it, opposed me, and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now.
" You know, fucking And that felt great.
Oh, I felt great.
You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.
I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before, including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it, the desiccated twats.
I wasn't dwelling on them.
I'm not a pervert.
But it did give it a A frisson.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA I've never said frisson before.
I've only ever seen it written down.
That's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.
And then, after, he turned the light off and he held me while he fell asleep and .
.
all I could think was .
.
"I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras.
They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.
You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.
I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way just at the same moment that one of them swung round and I know it got me full in the face.
If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.
So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.
Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.
I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.
I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?" I mean, who is? Who really cares? Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian.
I mean, not just a vegetarian, she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.
She's got this Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.
Have you tried it? I had some once.
I wouldn't go mad.
It's not really a substitute.
He's got his hand on his leg now.
Those two blokes.
It's just nice to see.
You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.
Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.
But, here Well, it's not lunchtime yet.
My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all, or that they will only show one or two seconds so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it, or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.
Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me.
They won't be expecting me to be on it.
They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.
I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.
I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.
You know, it was good fun.
It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they had made it 16 .
.
then I'd have gone straight home.
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