记录Maisel的表演（完结）

美丽的麦瑟尔夫人又回来了，依然复古，依然口吐莲花。

第一集 Strike Up the Band

这集的劳军表演很得体又搞笑，有点暧昧又不过界。

Hi, Wow, Wow, Wow! My goodness, that is a lot of khaki.

And I just realized it is actually a very flattering color for most skin tones. I know you're relieved.

I just want you to know how much I admire you guys.【上面恭维观众，还以为这里要继续歌颂】

I couldn't never be brave enough to wear the same outfit every day.【没想到是说女人每天绞尽脑汁地考虑外型，小小的讽刺，之后还有必须回家换衣服的情节，哈哈】

My brother toyed with joining the Army. He loved the idea of serving his country, but then he snapped a rubber band in his eye and that's the end of that.【是说这个哥哥叶公好龙，故意受伤逃避服兵役吗？】

You guys have a lot of rules here, which I totally get. You need rules.

Women learn rules from women's magazines. I can't make a move without consulting Family Circle or Harper's Bazaar. Otherwise, I'd have no idea what shade of red drives a man crazy.

Little hint: it's the one with the least amount of fabric involved.【转圈展示红色的丝巾，同时展示身材。色彩并不重要，露得越多越好，当然】

You guys don't have magazines like that, do you? You could really use an Army Men's Monthly or Gunboat Daily. You know, you could read helpful articles, like, uh, Fashion for Foxholes, Give Your Pistol Some Pizzazz, How to Get Your Commanding Officer to Notice You...

Oh, oh, oh, here's one. Camouflage: How to Stand Out While Blending In.

And for you generals in the audience. How to Take Care of Your Privates.

Oh, here's the best. Killing Men and Loving It.【这里的杂志名和文章名套用女性杂志，特别喜欢】

【Susie和一个军官闲聊，又被当成了男人，还要让她去当bugler】

You guys have your own language here. It's so fun. A soldier said he was gonna go sit on the honey bucket, and I was like, "I've been called a lot of things, pal..." I almost smacked him. So I got to keep out of trouble here.

Maybe you fellas could run some jargon by me? Make sure I understand it. What are some of your other phrases?【以下把军事术语与两性关系结合，也很有趣】

-Direct support.

Too easy. That's what I'm wearing under my dress right now.

-Zone of action.

Everything not covered by the direct support I'm wearing.

-Rear guard.

Diaper cream.

-Attack position.

-Friendly fire.

A cute redhead.

-Frontal fire. -Shock action.

Frontal fire and shock action? Isn't frontal fire what you contract when you have shock action with the wrong girl overseas?

-Withdrawal.

Congratulations, you're a daddy.

第二集 It's the Sixties, Man!

因为和Susie闹了别扭，开场的表演并没有收获现场的很多笑声。剧的观众可以联系到Susie。而这是本集的唯一一场演出。好在结尾两人和好。Imogen只用几个问句，就把生存和所谓的忠诚捋明白了。Rosie和Abe的相爱，一边埋怨他失了工作，一边把自己的信托基金弄没。怎么都那么可爱啊？

So, I'm about to go on the road for a while. Isn't it weird how, when you're away from home, you start missing the little things you never really thought about, like your kids?

Oh, I thought that would do better. I guess you all like kids. To each his own.

Ok, well, I have kids. And, you know, everybody seems to get so angry when you bring one on a plane.【火车或飞机上的熊孩子，是噩梦】

But if the airlines don't want them, why do they provide those little child-size bottles of booze?

Wow, not in a laughing mood tonight, huh?

You know, there's a Bergman film playing down the street. It's about black death. Maybe you should've gone to that.【Ingma Bergman，1918-2007】

Maybe something's missing from my set. What could it be?

Oh, I know. A catchphrase.

Yeah, that way I could do a bunch of crappy jokes, then save them with one of my patented zingers.

Something like "Have yourself a scoop of that!" or "Dock that in your harbor." or "Stuff that in your pierogi." Yeah.

Guess I'm a little nervous. I'm opening for Shy Baldwin. 【观众欢呼，外网有人在考评Shy的原型】

Oh, yeah, him you like. But I won't be on the road by myself.

I have a support system. My manager Susie Myerson. I see you've met.

You know, she's always believed in me, Susie.

She's pushed me to get better and better. Sometimes off a cliff.

But irregardless, I'm loyal to her for that.

Because, really, if there's no loyalty, what's the point of a partnership?

They say if you want loyalty, get a dog.

But even the most loyal dog will stick its head in your neighbor's cooze 'cause it wants to get scratched.

I mean, it doesn't mean the dog doesn't like you. It just means the dog isn't that fucking picky.

第三集 Panty Pose

Las Vegas=Lose wages，笑死。赌城的正式表演尴尬，刚暖了场到了结束的时间。之后不当回事的表演却大获笑声。

Well, well, well, Las Vegas, Nevada. The city that was built, like, what, a week ago?

It's so new, its bris is tomorrow. 【犹太人特有的】

I'm from New York, so, for me, a desert is Bergdorf's when they're low on Handmacher suits or Barney Greengrass when they're out of lox.

My hair is giving me vertigo. This is not my normal "do".

Would you rather hear Gunsmoke? I may be able to get a radio signal.

Sounds like you're all enjoying the food. I heard good things about the shrimp cocktail.

No wonder this city has flashing lights everywhere, it's the only way to get people's attention.

Maybe tomorrow instead of an updo, I'll dress like a Christmas tree.

Sounds like we've got a birthday. That's always fun, at least until you hit 25 or so.

【观众要求唱歌，提到Shy，又是掌声一片。然后有人大喊Berta】

Berta, for Pete's sake, get over to your damn table before this poor woman has a stroke. It's full of shrimp cocktail. There you go, there's your incentive. Yeah, hustle now. Kiss, kiss and sit your tuchus down.

I'm from New York. I know I already said that, but it's been so long ago, some of you might've forgotten.

So you're not exactly a subway material crowd, and you didn't much like the jokes about food, children, or traveling, and you don't like me much.

What are you, my ex-husband?

Hey, there we go. We're on a roll.

Gee, you're like my kids, I finally get you quiet and then Grandpa shows up with a suitcase full of donuts.

赌城的第二段演出：

Hello. Welcome to the night that will not end.

So, tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I failed. Oh, did I just fail.

Yeah, applaud me. I need it. Even if it's mocking. I have no pride left.

Earlier tonight, I was in the big room. That room over there none of you can afford. Hence, you're here.

It's a nice room. The drinks have actual booze in them. And I went onstage in that nice big room with the super boozy drinks and I just bombed.

Anyway, I'm getting back on the horse, because failure is our right as Americans.

People have fought and died so I can do stupid things like leave the sugar out of a cake, or forget to bring an extra diaper with me when I took the baby to the park. More than once, she's come home with the New York Times sports section wrapped around her ass. It's what they had in the trash. Plus, the Red Sox won, so...【调侃自己生活中的糗事】

Failure is how we grow.【哲理】

Actually, it's how men grow. It's how women shrink.

Women are not allowed to fail. And when we finally get an opportunity to do something that isn't normally done by our sex, we get one chance. One.

How come men fail and people say, "you gave it the ol' college try."

But women fail and they say, "you gave it the ol' college try, but you shouldn't be in the college."?【这一段的性别歧视现在仍有】

You know, you come to Vegas and you gamble. And my question is, is life not enough of a risk for you people?

Have you never walked through a wet field in high heels at an outdoor wedding? Or put on mascara in a moving car?【女性独有的困境】

Or said to your mother, "what do you think?"【妈妈一定会挑毛病的，哈哈】

You really need to look for more risk?

第四集 Hands

开场就是表演，还在赌城。这一段吐槽犹太人，相当精准。而且我觉得有些地方像中国人，比如关心别人的食物。这些吐槽加上本集后面父母在新住所的一些故事，结合起来看有趣极了。

Think about it. Las Vegasis the true American melting pot, proving that losing money is the universal language.【输钱是普世语言，哈哈，笑抽了】

I'm Jewish. I'm from New York, and perhaps exotic to some of you.

So I thought it would be helpful for me to present for you a primer to the Jewish people.

First of all, we are always ready to talk about food. Seeing you all eating dinner, I just want to ask what you're eating, if it's good, and tell you what you should have ordered.

Complaining. This is big with us.

What repressing your emotions is to WASPs, complaining is to Jews. It's second nature.【WASP=White+Anglo Saxon+Protestant，美国的精英群体】

But the key is, the complaints should never be about big important things, only little things like, "It's hot out; this restaurant is so far; the line is so long." You know, things nobody can do anything about.

Remember, you're not trying to fix anything. You're just trying to be heard.

Guilt is big with us, and we use it wisely.【利用别人的内疚感】

And it's not for making yourself feel bad about something you did. It's for making someone else feel bad about something they didn't do.

Jewish parents.【美国有俗语，Jewish mother，是形容那些对待别人过于细致的人，要求比较多，且唠叨。】

Mm-hmm. Yell at your sons for not eating enough, yell your daughter for eating too much.【Midge的父母有一儿一女，她本人也是一儿一女，想必就是这么吼大的，笑死了】

And there's the saying often attributed to our great prophet Abraham:

Anything you can do isn't all that interesting to me.

第5集 It's Comedy or Cabbage

从沙漠中的内华达来到了佛罗里达的海滨。因为演出前刚见到了洋葱味父母，所以表演以过度保护的父母为中心。相声还是酿包菜，勉强选了前者。

I know I've talked a lot about my parents tonight but that's just because they are here.

In Florida. Can you feel it?【气场强大的老爸老妈】

They're coming to my show tomorrow. So I need to get all this out of my system tonight.

Tonight I can talk about sex and men, and sex with men and sexy men and sex with sexy men, but tomorrow, that's all off limits because my parents don't know I'm not a virgin.【两代间禁忌话题】

You'd think my two kids might have been a tip-off.【孩子应该说明什么】

I'm amazed the "those are my cobbler's apprentices" story has held up for so long.

Maybe my parents think that when I got divorced, it made me a virgin all over again. Like, the judge says: "I grant your divorce and restore everything up your skirt to its original condition." And then bangs his little gavel.【想起离婚那集里那个一脸懵的法官，你来给她moral support？看到前面那对没，他们恨不得杀了对方。。。】

But my parents are people who do not like change.【因循守旧】

When my husband left me, my father said, "Go get him back." Like I'd accidentally left the barn door open and Bessie the cow had wandered off.【第一季的go get him back。奶牛这句虚拟语气好】

And when I didn't go get him back as instructed, my father was furious.

My mother still hasn't heard he's gone, so she hasn't reacted yet.【联想到老妈不想听不想听的样子】

I mean, she's been told. She just hasn't heard it.【听而不闻】

And now they're here in Florida, to watch their divorced daughter stand on stage and tell jokes. About them!

Because they know that will kill them, and I'll feel bad forever, and then finally they will have won.【哈哈，我家也这样】

第6集 Kind of Bleu

Shy被打后不能去Midge的酒店，这一幕秒变《绿皮书》。

一直期待这场在父母面前的表演，结果表明，不但没有黄色笑话，甚至严肃地探讨了女权。妈妈喝多了好可爱，感觉Shy都笑场了。

There is a new thing called a birth control pill. Have you heard of it?

It's just a little pill, and when you take it, you can have sex all you want and not get pregnant.

However, only married women are allowed to take it. You know, women who don't want to have sex.【居然还有过这样的规定】

Who says the Food and Drug Administration doesn't have a sense of humor.

1960. An interesting time to be a woman. You know, they say, and by they, I mean men.

They say that the women's vote may just put Senator Kennedy in the White House. And why?

Because women think he's cute, which I find highly offensive. And he's extremely cute.

But here's my question. Why does it have to be either/or?

I mean, why can't I wish he'd enact his six-point plan for health care and also wish he'd dump Jackie and marry me?

Like, does being a modern woman mean I have to give up being a girl? or like pink? or horses? or getting out of swimming 'cause I have cramps.

I mean, I'd have been a terrible suffragette. Right?

Don't get me wrong. I love having the vote. And voting. You get a pin.

And I really admire all those women who marched to earn that right and protested and wore white, which may be their greatest sacrifice because white is a very tricky color.【Midge最擅长的色彩】

It washes you out. It makes you look fat, or like a nurse, and you can't wear it after Labor Day unless you're a Klansman.

So, here were these heroic women marching for their rights, in white, on streets, where there's dirt.

So not only were they jailed and force-fed and prosecuted, but the laundry. Oy!

So 1960. Change is coming. And I believe that someday a next-generation suffragette will wear pink and ride horses and an unmarried woman will take the pill so she can have as much sex as she wants and not get pregnant. And a married woman will just have a headache and call it a night!【已婚妇女会心一笑】

第7集 Marvelous Radio

这一集没有单口相声的表演，Midge和Susie两个人到处接广告，经常拿不到钱，以内置棉条或枫糖浆作为酬劳。而且广告内容很有时代感，香烟的广告现在肯定是听不到了，而Midge所做广告之一的PallMall香烟，我的店里还有售，因为价钱比较低，还挺受欢迎的。看到Midge念那些广告词时，我不由得想到这些词可能是《广告狂人》们写出来的，年代也一样，1960左右。

父母的两个细节让我有共鸣。

一个是老爸回到以前的大学，遭遇了冷脸。我也是从一所大学里辞职走人的，走了后就再没踏入那个地界，连一脚都没有。因为知道一定就会像这集剧演的一样。人走茶凉，即便是犹太社区都是如此。这一集进一步证实了我的判断。

二是Rosie最后捡起了地铁上的一块钱，后来给了餐馆的服务员。村上春树也有类似的经历，在他开酒吧的那些年里也遇到过困境，走投无路时刚好捡到了钱，正好是需要的数目，度过了难关。想到这些美妙的人们都有过困窘，自己的那点事儿又算什么呢。

这部剧因为台词说得都特别快，所以容易错过非常棒、有时含义很深的一些对白。

第8集 A Jewish Girl Walks Into the Apollo…

Imogene走在去秘书学校的路上，是一首平时经常在听的Feeling Good，是Nina Simone在1960年代的老歌，如今听来也一样，让人精神一振，并不过时，很多电视剧用过，至少有《使女的故事》，今年还有部新剧也用过，暂时查不到。后来Imogene打字考试时又续上了这首歌。又一位女性自立的开始。

最后在阿波罗的演出虽然非常成功，但无疑触到了Shy的痛点。这件事不知道的人听不出异常，心里有疙瘩的话句句都是暗示和挖苦。唉，旧年代啊。好盼望下一季的开始。

Joel酒吧的救场：

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Mrs Maisel onstage.

I haven't played my hometown for a while. I've been touring with Shy Baldwin for a few months, so...

Nice to know that people haven't forgotten me. You haven't forgotten me.

My kids have completely forgotten me. They've gotten very jaded having a mother in show business.

I showed the other day. My daughter pointed to her diaper and said, "Sweetie, would you get this?"

Then she lit her cigarette, refill her daiquiri bottle and fired her agent.【孩子与事业，男性就不用考虑】

And now both her parents are in the biz.

Oh, yeah. This is what happens when you leave. Remember the first time?【第一季因为Joel出轨，所以Midge才走上了演艺之路】

In case you don't know, this club is owned by my again soon to be ex-husband, Joel Maisel.

And I'm here tonight to say, that half is mine. I'm kidding.

Always take the side with the bathroom. Joel is a great father. And I just wanted to get up here and tell him that because we had a little tift earlier this week about our son.

Our five-year-ole just got into Collegiate.

It cost so much, we have to sell him for parts to get the tuition.

My daughter is watching this process very nervously.【特有画面感】

It's so hard to raise kids when you're married. It's really hard to raise kids when you're divorced.

But it's not that hard to raise them when their dad's a great guy.【是好男人的话，结婚离婚都一样】

But Joel, there's no fucking way our kids are going to school in Queens. I'll burn this fucking place to the ground.【纽约版的地域歧视，《绯闻女孩》就领教过了。一些名人，如刘玉玲就是皇后区出生长大的。刘玉玲客串《欲望都市》，就是萨曼莎买柏金包包的那一集，刘展示了她的Queens口音，印象很深。】

Have a great time, everybody. And drink up. All proceeds go to Collegiate.【犹太人重视教育，投入】

阿波罗的演出：

Harlem，黑人区，一个白得发光的女孩站在台上，冷场片刻。

Woo! You all look like you've just seen a ghost. Yes, yes, I know.【自嘲】

After this, I'm heading to LaGuardia to help land some planes.

Now, before we get any further, who made this?【以食物拉近总是不错的】

Mmh, unbelievable. Fried in oil? -Lard.【这里想起犹太人的洁食】

You ever use schmaltz? Same heart attack, different afterlife.

Shy Baldwin. Oh! You've heard of him. He's pretty great, huh?【其实是在恭维，但我已经开始隐约不安起来】

You know where we met? In the ladies room. No, seriously we did. At a charity event.

I mean, picture it. This pretty, daintly, elegant thing, primping in the mirror. And there I was, right next to him. 【当事人听起来会觉得另有所指吧】

How do you compete with those cheekbones? Those Ava Gardner cheekbones.

The man is so gorgeous that Arthur Miller's sniffing around him.

He's the only person I know gorgeous enough to play Romeo and Juliet.

So I've been hanging out with Shy on tour, and I discovered that all he has to do is sing.

He has a guy for everything else. Well, just about everything else.

No, he pretty much has a guy for everything else. You see 'em on the road, his guys, falling over themselves outside his door. "Whatever you need, Shy." "Let me tuck you in, Shy." "Let me get that makeup off your collar, Shy."

Don't be scandalized, it's his.

We were on the road a while, and coming back to New York. I was a half a day on a plane, a train, a bus, a cab, a rickshaw. Shy comes home, he doesn't need a plane. He doesn't need a train. He just puts on his Judy Garland shoes, clicks his heels together three times and says, "There's no place like Harlem. There's no place like Harlem."【后面经纪人说到了Judy Garland shoes】

And his closet. It's enormous. It has a doorbell. I went in there once, at a party. Amazing. With the silks and the satins, the chiffons, the chenilles--these aren't girl groups. These are his clothes.

Hey, who made this? Mmh...

I-I'm not acctually a comedian, I just came here to eat.

Shy takes Cleopatra milk baths. Actually, I have no idea if that's true. But it feels true, right?

【插播Susie和姐姐看着老房子起火这一幕，有些暖】

Hold on, my mouth is full. Oh, now you're just adding your own punch lines.

Well, this has been the biggest honor of my life. To stand here at the Appollo and eat on the same stage that Mom's Mabley killed on just moments ago.

Thank you, Shy Baldwin. And speak of Shy Baldwin, he clearly doesn't need an introduction.

【第三季到此结束】