我又要来搞笑台词集合了 （欢迎补充/指正）

谁说这部片子笑点很平庸？

Thor: He’s my brother
Natasha Romanoff: He killed 80 people in 2 days
Thor: He’s adopted

雷神：他是我弟弟
黑寡妇：他连续两天杀了80多个人
雷神：（因为）他是领养的

（好吧，保持队形显然不现实，我不能让大家都跪下。我就全放一起好了）

Tony Stark: Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.
Bruce Banner: Thanks.
　　
钢铁侠：巴纳博士，你的科学成果简直无与伦比。而且我超爱你一发火就能变成一个绿色大怪物的本领。
绿巨人：谢谢。

Pepper Potts: Hey, Phil!
Tony Stark: Phil? I thought his first name was Agent.
　　
钢铁侠女朋友：嗨，菲尔！
钢铁侠：菲尔？我以为他姓“探员”

Tony Stark: No offence, but I don’t play well with others.
Steve Rogers: Big man, in a suit of armour… take that away, what are you?
Tony Stark: Uh… genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist…

钢铁侠：没有冒犯的意思，我向来都不合群。
美国队长：一个大男人，穿着盔甲而已，脱掉了这身盔甲，你算什么？
钢铁侠：呃……天才、百万富翁、花花公子、大慈善家……



Loki: I have an army.
Tony Stark: We have a Hulk.
Loki: I thought the beast had wandered off…

洛基：我有一支军队。
钢铁侠：我们有头绿巨人。
洛基：我以为那头怪物走丢了……


Steve Rogers: Stark, we need a plan of attack!
Tony Stark: I have a plan: attack!

美国队长：史达克，我们需要一个进攻方案！
钢铁侠：我有一个方案：进攻！

Loki: Ooh, it burns you to have come so close, to have the Tesseract, to have power, unlimited power. And for what? A warm light for all of mankind to share? And then to be reminded of what real power is…
Nick Fury: Well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something.

洛基：噢，与Tesseract, 与力量，无尽的力量失之交臂让你追悔莫及吧。你要来做什么？给人类分享取暖吗？结果还是意识到什么才是真正的力量……
Fury: 好，“真正的力量”需要一本杂志看看的时候叫我一声。

插播，感谢网友上传《寻找雷神锤子路上发生的趣事》http://video.sina.com.cn/v/b/63207245-1400070642.html
（深藏不露的菲尔探员）
菲尔探员是美国队长的超级大粉丝，
他在飞机上有些语无伦次，羞涩地表达了自己对美国队长的崇拜：

Agent Phil Coulson: I gotta say, it's an honour to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was, I was present while you were unconscious, from the ice. You know it's really just a, just a huge honour to have you on board.

菲尔探员：我得说，能和你见上面真的太荣幸了。我算是见过你吧，我的意思是，我在，你被冰冻失去意识的时候我在场。能和你并肩作战真的，真的太荣幸了。

（你在睡着的时候我一直看着你这句话超级creepy，可爱shi 了有没有，呆萌的代表！）

本片最出彩的片段：
Agent Phil Coulson: [dying] You're gonna lose.
Loki: [sneering] Am I?

Agent Phil Coulson: It's in your nature.
[shoots him through the wall with a big gun]

Agent Phil Coulson: [after firing his big gun on Loki] So that's what it does...

钢铁侠初次遇到美国队长:

Tony Stark: Still, you were pretty spry, for an older fellow. What's your thing? Pilates?

Steve Rogers: What?

Tony Stark: It's like calisthenics. You might have missed a couple things, you know, doing time as a Capsicle.

钢铁侠：作为一个老家伙，你身手还挺矫健的，你的秘诀是什么？普拉提？（注：普拉提是一种集合瑜伽、舞蹈、体操的一种身体训练。）
　　　　
美国队长：那是什么？

钢铁侠：就像一种广播体操。你知道的，在你当冰棍队长(这些年），你可能所错了一些事情。
　　　　
PS： popsicle是美国一个棒冰的牌子，就像我们的伊利冰工厂似的。Cap是captain的简称，tony自己造了一个双关词来调侃队长。(via.天天笑眯眯)

Thor: Where's the Tesseract?
Loki: I missed you too, brother
雷神：宇宙魔方在那里？
洛基：我也想你哦，哥哥


Loki: You need the cube to bring me home, but I've sent it off. I know not where.
Thor: You listen well, brother.
[suddenly Stark slams into Thor and takes him off leaving Loki standing alone]
Loki: I'm listening?

洛基：你需要宇宙魔方才能把我带回家，但我把她送到了我不知道的地方。
雷神：弟弟，你给我听好了，
（突然间钢铁侠猛然飞冲过来抱走了雷神，留下洛基一个人在原地）
洛基：我在听着哦……

Tony Stark: That man is playing gallaga!
[Steve looks at Stark in confusion]
Tony Stark: Thought we wouldn't notice, but we did.
[Stark looks at one of the computer monitors in front of him and covers one eye]
Tony Stark: How does Fury even see these?
Agent Maria Hill: He turns.
Tony Stark: Sounds exhausting.
钢铁侠：那个人在玩小蜜蜂游戏
以为我们不会注意到，但我们注意到了。
钢铁侠：Fury 怎么能看这两个屏幕的？
Maria 探员：他会转身……
钢铁侠：听上去好像很累的样子。

Tony Stark: The rest of the raw materials, Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. Only major component he still needs is a power source. A high energy density, something to kick start the cube.
钢铁侠解释了启动宇宙魔方的方法
Agent Maria Hill: When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?
Maria 探员：你什么时候变成天体物理学热核反应的专家的？
Tony Stark: Last night. The packet, Selvig's notes, the Extraction Theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?
钢铁侠：就昨晚。Selvig的笔记，提取理论的论文。难道只有我一个人做过功课吗？
Steve Rogers: Does Loki need any particular kind of power source?
美队：洛基还需要什么特别的能量源吗？
Bruce Banner: He got to heat the cube to a hundred and twenty million Kelvin just to break through the Coulomb barrier.
绿巨人和钢铁侠开始科学探讨……
Tony Stark: Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunnelling effect.
Bruce Banner: Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.
Tony Stark: Finally, someone who speaks English.
钢铁侠：总遇到说母语的人了。

航空母舰被鹰眼射中后，钢铁侠负责修航母：

Tony Stark: I need you to get to that engine control panel and tell me which relays are in overload position.
[Steve gets himself to the control panel and opens it up]
Tony Stark: What's it look like in there?
Steve Rogers: It seems to run on some form of electricity.
Tony Stark: Well, you're not wrong.
钢铁侠：我需要你到引擎控制面板那儿，告诉我有那些继电器超负荷运行了。
【美队很艰难地爬上去，把控制板打开了】
钢铁侠：情况看上去怎么样？
美队：看上去像一团电线。
钢铁侠：好吧，你说的也没错。

Police Sergeant: Does the army know what's happening here?
警察长官：军队知道这里发生了什么吗？
Young Cop: Do we?!
年轻警察：难道我们知道？！
[suddenly Steve jumps in front of them]
【突然间美队跳到他们面前】
Steve Rogers: I need men in these buildings. There are people inside that can run into the line of fire. You take them through the basement or through the subway, you keep them off the streets. I need a perimeter as far back as 39th.
美队开始指导：我需要一些人手调度到这几幢楼。里面被困人员可能会冲到火线那儿。你们得让他们从地下室或者地铁撤离，远离这些街道……
Police Sergeant: Why the hell should I take orders from you?
警察长官：我干嘛要接受你的指令？
[suddenly two of the Chitauri warriors attack, the cops watch in shock as Steve fights them off with ease, the Sergeant turns to his officer and gives out Steve's earlier orders]
【突然间美队和几只Chitauri战士打了起来，警察们都看呆了，长官马上转身开始给警察下达指令】
Police Sergeant: I need men in those buildings, lead the people down and away from the streets
警察长官：我需要一些人手调度到这几幢大楼，让被困人员撤离远离街道……