proust大法

（实际上又写了一个跟电影本身毫无关联的个人日记）

开头我还在wtf这什么玩意 法国人又要实力展示干革命嘛 看着看着就wow! 不管真的假的 人间真情 这就去读proust hhh

不管怎样les comédians实力演示艺术就是生活 (有热爱/subjectivity所谓work/life separation due to capitalism alienation其实根本就不成立？所谓“工作” 生产关系都是编出来骗人的鬼话因为人想做的事就是会去做的？只是a matter of 利用现有机制do it better而已？) 想不出来除了art之外还有任何地方where sensibility is a plus and you can actually make it work (for sth bigger other than just a specific individual/scenario in front of you, sth more universal) 以及发现(esp theater)演员其实也是body worker (as seen in the lightness the actors and actresses' relationship with their phyiscal bodies), and making them work其实一定程度上就是toning your vehicle/instrument, 跟how it appears/fulfills to certain static paradigm (youth, physical attractivenes) 其实没有很大关系(they certainly won't harm but don't seem to be the key) theater迷人的地方在于它似乎展示了一个communal space between the indivudals participating where collective dreaming/indulging in our fantasies/sensibilties seem possible and a beautiful thing (which sadly is a bit in conflict with the "needs" of current society so it doesn't seem like we could really participate easily) yet the desire for such humanly connections, to live life realistically and figurative, across time and space, of self and other is a very real need, and whenever there's a desire there's a way. 现实的贫瘠就是满足不了我 and i'm always desiring more with an insatiable appetitie, that almost supersedes the frailness and perishablenss of my phyiscal body

以及真的再一次认识到politics就是art的敌人 true no art is apolitical and there's no such thing as beauty for its own sake or as sth purely objective (because all art to say or to capture sth and no one can really be devoid of idealogy) yet politics dictate, segregate, impose in the name of sth grand/seemingly applicable to everything, make you hold onto the specifics of individual spite while art connects, show instead of tell, makes you realize sth bigger than the individual circumstance and even if urges you to changes never in a didactive or coersive way. (aka marx/左派政治 feminism*可以看但真的就是to certain extent歧途大于actual enlightment/ultility(in the industrial linguo)/liberation) can i critque this show on grounds of la comédie française being sth heavily institutional, elistist, fulll of the french tradition/aka very white and consequently glossing over things...? sure, not to deny the issues don't exist but no work can talk about all the possible issues in the world nor should they be responsible for that, and to try to see oneself in every piece of work out there is also overly egoist and narrow minded. getting hung up on the specifics (esp material wise) 真的就只是在remove one from actually to feel/perceive/get inspired from the potentially interesting/very relevant things...anyways hatred/respite/discontent can maybe instigate politics/actions/changes, but to art is to love (in one's own way) (之前被一些paper bs搞的火大的剧都看不下去了 就很没有意义

*marxist feminisim/or whatever form这些theory的问题就在于一定程度上它们就是在企图方法论化一些其实可能就是没办法summarize的东西 true 有一个political theory makes one feel safe, as is there's a way now to comprehend everything, 但与此同时give in to framework就是submit to its limit, 以及就是sontag讲的by reducing the work of art to its content and then interpreting that, one tames the work of art. Interpretation makes art manageable, conformable. ...is the revenge of the intellect upon the world. To interpret is to impoverish, to deplete the world...人其实就是不能一直feel safe, always have to challenge, be unknow somehow...and sometimes just to feel, and give in to the feeling of whatever that is. the idea of a modern society/world can be something knownable/completely within control is also a very very recent idea, and couple steps in the wilderness after sunset will quickly bring one to realize how idiotic and arrogant an assumption that is...

哎以及现在回看任何关于document quarantine的电影只觉得恍如隔世 2020真的在一种震惊中就莫名其妙的过去了before i can actually cognize anything. in a very wrong way i had lowkey felt jealous towards the people* who complained their life was so jeapardized by quarantine (proof that they had a life prior to it) struggling in some sort of 浑浑噩噩 as i was then, if anything quarantine felt like death reprieve that i don't have to continue the shitshow of an office job and its completely draining pretense (at least to a great extent, other challenges pursue but almost negligible compared to this benefit). but to each of us the quarantine (or confinement, as aptly in french) operates in very different ways and for some it might be just becoming apparent such as now that i'm experiencing what others might have felt immediately then. global pandemic maximized really all the existing precariousness of each of our situations and may i now have the courage now as the people who performed valiant and triumphant acts then

*in a sense only these people are able to give an immediate documenation of its impact since the toll on them is more immediately perceptible, yet consequences can happen in so many different ways and much more time is needed before a more wholistic representation of the reprecussions; they're obviously far from over (thus上次对bonello的coma火大其实就大可不必

anger is such a protection mechanism of mine (and i am such a total egoist that everything i see around or absorb i try to absord in the wish of finding some linkage to my own internal world, that i really don't care much else), that i take offense at times when people seem more "situated"/well placed in the society "speak" in a sense that seem to me not authentic or representative enough. am i hateful of the fact that they have more resources where i don't, and making me jealousy "rightful" or seeing the insufficiency or incomleteness, really dedicate to speaking in a sense that feels authentic to me, a path of love and ofc efforts? and the ability to love is regardless of circumstances no?