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I'm gonna watch this again when i grown older. probably 30. I'm sure I'm gonna have a lot of different feelings and thoughts. although i cussed Don from season 1 to season 7, i have to admit i did it just because i wanted to hide something or cover something, and i wanted to find something or someone to vent, to pour out some of my emotions. i still can't move on from something. those comments I've made to previous seasons are just some kind of, i don't know, unreasonable, impulsive things, maybe I'm the last one that entitled to make any judgements. i always do something in the way exactly opposite to what I said and what i thought. and i know human being is a complicated creature, i already knew that a long long time ago. for those people in this show, actually they all have their own reason to do what they did, not just because they are who they are. i can understand some of them, but the rest of them i still hate them. maybe it's just for now, maybe i need few more years to let my life goes on, to experience things, to think and to know better, then i come back to watch this show again, i may finally understand them, each of them. i think the problem of mine is that i knew my defects, i knew something on me is totally wrong, i just can't be okay with it and i don't think it's gonna be forgiven, meanwhile i can't get over it, the situation around me doesn't allow me to make any closure. so i just being numb, insensible, lacking in awareness. it feels like i'm living in dead water. i don't know what to do. i really don't know about it i guess all i can do is keep waiting on, until my life finally release me. i don't know what I'm saying right now. my head isn't very clear, it's too late it's 4:10am i should go to sleep. mad men is a masterpiece. i hope I can watch it again ten years later. hope i still remember this show by then. what's gonna happen ten years later？will i still being alive？what kind of people I'll be, i don't know and I'm not very interested. okay frankly I dare not to know. I'm too scared to know that with time going by i finally lost myself and became someone i don't even know and never imagined. i have something I'm really proud of, and i don't wanna lose it. i remember i said the same thing about ten years ago, back then i made a wish that something on me could exist forever, but look at me now, I've lost most of them. i really don't want this happen again. i know i should sleep but i have so much things to say but it's 4:20 time to sleep, anyway, good night