Yo bro, I gave the movie a five-star, and it is totally from heart. Not all because the summertime boulevards, the café convenience shop and the ferris wheel kissing part, but also because the totally normal life Simon believes that he has, his friends, his family,his music taste,his secret, his intracranial fathom and his oppressed affection for Blue and his careful tentative move to findhis true love...
Hey,you know what, I see me in Simon, every bit of me in him. That’s why I would rank this movie over The Brokeback Mountain as my favorite movie, and that’s why I want to write this in English—this is my intracranial fathom, too—to talk my shit to you,Si.
It is really hard to say it out, especially to your closest friends, if you are a closeted one. Simon was not brave enough to bring it up in front of Leah. “I’ve known you for thirteen years, Leah. And I knew that if I told you, that things was gonna be different.” We are similar,Si, except that mine is 9 years. First I didn’t wanna tell her. She is innocent and pristine as crystal, and she has been my sister since junior high. Though we aren’t genetic brother and sister, but my love to her is as much as yours to Leah. Well, she didn’t fall for me, if you wanna know. But...she is a Leah type because she feels like an outsider,too. She can only hang out with me and other three friends. There is exactly a line to cross for her to be a part of everything. She has trouble eating and chatting with guys. So she can only have meals with us. Sometimes when a boy ask her out for dinner or something, she would feel so awkward to go. This even happened with her boyfriend(well, ex). Because she is not a casual person. Well, me too. I guess this priority adding some personality resemblance，some genuine chatting, some congeniality make us best friends. She actually came to me when she was sad or heartbroken, but I never told her about my sexual orientation the last few years. I was contrite for that. Now I told her. And we are still best friends. As for others, I bet you won’t believe Si, I have a Nick(maybe three Nicks) and an Abby too. Nicks all love playing soccer and so do I, except I am no fanatical fan who quarrels whether Real Madrid orBarcelona or Chelsea is the best. My Abby is ladybro with Leah, they were besties since forever. We played together, went movies, ate KFC and palavered in little notes during class throughout the whole three years. Very normal, huh?
Well, about the secret, about being gay, I am much of an amateur. I’m saying that, Si, I found out at the first year of college—pretty late,right? And the funniest thing is I don’t know if I can love women. Honestly saying, I just cannot have sex with them, that’s all. Maybe better than you a bit, panicking when being courted. But I know the feelings when all others are paying attention to Dragon Mother’s boobs while you are crushing on John Snow. I often have those dreams in which I can ride on Peter Pevensie( Nania : The Lion,The Witch and The Wardrobe)and plow or vise versa, being plowed by him with every acre of my skin under his hand. It’s not a sin to sexually fancy Danial Radcliffe. And I’m not guilty of fathoming Peter Pevensie.
And it’s not the only consensus we have, Si. The song list you have, those 1980s old-school reminder of Stranger Things which I loved so so much and the jubilant as well as morose genre adding a pinch of psychedelia, the songs you sang with Bram at his house which are carefree and revealing-oneself hit songs...I could imagine the scene, I could put me in you and feel the ineffable pleasure. Oh, the part when you imagined heterosexuals coming out to their parents is fantastic! The reason why I don’t want a lot of people to find out that I’m gay is that I think we are the same, homosexual or heterosexual, we share the same love. Though I still haven’t figured out how to tell my parents, I think I am ready to embrace whatever changes that may I encounter in the future.
So, are you ready, my Blue? Are you ready to come onto the ferris wheel and watch the splendid stardom and profound firmament with me? Are you ready to face up who you are and break through every obstacles with me forever? You know I love blue, the oceanic color, the morose color, the sky color, the “you” color. I am waiting, and I will always be waiting.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a ferris wheel. One minute I’m on top of the world the next l’m at rock bottom. Over and over, all day long. Because a lot about life is great. But nobody knows I’m gay. -Blue”
And now, I think I’m gonna actually take us on a little adventure, what do you say?