When I was young, I was always terrifiedly afraid of death and ghost, imagining that the chance of living would be easily taken by someone or something with a finger snap, although the process might not be that painless. Accordingly my passing by the symbol of death, temples, funerals or even photos in memory of the family gone, was very suffering.
I couldn't even think about it until I went through some funerals of those who raised me up. The feeling is like I was once so close to them but instantly they've gone without a goodbye. The funerals were too long to recall, but I just know that they wouldn't do any harm to me as they're family since my childhood. I think that's the symbol of my growing up.
People wouldn't be young forever, over and over again nightmare accured in my sleep as my family vanished, that's a feeling more than terrifying. I want to seek something in race with the death, but failed. I find that it's losing the connection with them that the terrifying himself. We've lost the connection with whom we used to love without any notice, the situation become tough as language become limited.
I honestly am not afraid of death rather than a little bit expecting it with some curiosity, just hopefully there would be a next generation that help me to recall the feeling of being left alone and carry on.