I used to be more painful than you.
And i never expect having a parent like you do.When i struggled ,no vioce told me "Now there is pain, sorrow, but don't kill it". I am not envy you, i've got recovered. But what your dad said awakened me. Maybe i've been making myself to feel nothing, just to mask the thing i do feel. And now i do fear i'll give less in every later relationship with someone else.