It's not Dylan Moran.
Twitter：@NotDylanMoran
Dylan Moran的推特内容。个人感觉妙语如珠，翻译了些来玩儿。但是一旦翻成中文，感觉也没那个味道了。
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Most everything on twitter can be summarized adequately by the phrase "I've got nothing to say."
（推特上大多数的话都足以用以一句话概括：“我没什么好说的。”）
Grapefruit is one of worst tasting things I've had. Eating one is like punishing yourself with health.
（柚子是世界上我吃过的最难吃的东西。吃一只柚子就像是以健康为代价来惩罚你自己。）
People, if left alone, will only remember the good stuff. Those 45 seconds you weren't breathing through your mouth and spouting bigotry.
（如果孑然一人，那只会想起美好的回忆。那45秒，你不会用嘴呼吸，会磨损掉自己的顽固。*额 什么意思 看不太懂*）
Never ask people if they missed you. You're forcing them to think about how much they didn't miss you.
（永远别问别人是否想念你。你是在强迫提醒他们自己有多久没想过你。）
Want to know if someone is obsessive-compulsive?
（我想知道有木有人有强迫性上瘾症呢？）
I don't really know traditional jokes. People often begin with things like "3 nuns walk into a bar" and I think to myself "no, they didn't."
（我不太懂传统笑话。比如人们说的以“3个修女走进一间酒吧”为开头的笑话。我只是想，她们并没有啊。）
True freedom is getting to the age where you just don't give a shit anymore.
（真正的自由是在长到你可以对什么都不在乎的年龄。）
I don't understand salad.
（我真搞不懂沙拉。）
True adulthood isn't when one turns whatever age, it begins at the moment one begins to fathom the depths of their own ignorance.
（真正的成熟不在于年龄。它是以某个时刻你意识到自己多么无知开始的。）
Every man, at some point feels that they would have made a very excellent spy.
（每个男人都会在某个时刻觉得自己本应当成为一个出色的间谍。）
As you get older, you begin to actively enjoy scowling. You practice in front of the mirror to get that perfect blend of anger and disgust.Then you start scowling at things. You sit in front of screens, yelling at the news for hours, and being perfectly happy in your misery.
（越长大越喜欢表现的怒气沉沉。镜子面前你用耐心来获得愠怒和恶心的完美融合。然后，你开始对周围事物不满。你坐在电视机前，对着新闻大骂几个小时，快乐地沉浸在自己的痛苦中。）
Cheesecake is the purest form of love.
（干酪饼是爱的最纯洁的形式。）
Yogurt I think is inherently funny. It's a delightfully mediocre choice for both food and fun.
（我觉得酸奶有一种天生的滑稽。它是在食物和乐子之间的一种让人快乐的平庸选择。）
I find it amusing that people often say "You only live once" while doing things specifically designed to kill them.
（每次别人说“你只活一次（所以你可以随心所欲）”我都觉得很搞笑，特别是当那些人做些危及生命的事情的时候。）
Some people are like slinkies. They exist to give you pleasure when you push them down the stairs.
（有些人就像机灵鬼。他们在你把他们推下楼梯的时候给你欢乐。）
You know why the samples are free? Because they're shite. That's why they're free.
（你知道为什么样品是免费的吗？因为它们都是狗屎。这就是为什么。）
There's nothing more depressing than going shopping and seeing the people waiting in line for free samples.
（没什么比去购物的时候看到人们排着队等候免费商品儿更让人郁闷的了。）
Neck tattoos aren't really neck tattoos. They're more like eternal job-stoppers.
（脖子上的刺青其实不是刺青。它们更像永远的job-stopper.）
Congratulations, you're not dead. Because it's not fun. A bit of a downer, actually. 6 feet to be precise.
（祝贺你，你还没死。因为这并不好玩。其实还有点让人郁闷，准确地说是6英尺。*what does that mean><*）
Whatever you are doing, it's always best to start with baked goods.
（无论你在做什么，以烘焙的东西开头最好。）
to be continued.
我日志里搜集了他当年在爱尔兰时报上发表过的几篇文章，感兴趣的可以来看看。：）
Dylan Moran的推特内容。个人感觉妙语如珠，翻译了些来玩儿。但是一旦翻成中文，感觉也没那个味道了。
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most everything on twitter can be summarized adequately by the phrase "I've got nothing to say."
（推特上大多数的话都足以用以一句话概括：“我没什么好说的。”）
Grapefruit is one of worst tasting things I've had. Eating one is like punishing yourself with health.
（柚子是世界上我吃过的最难吃的东西。吃一只柚子就像是以健康为代价来惩罚你自己。）
People, if left alone, will only remember the good stuff. Those 45 seconds you weren't breathing through your mouth and spouting bigotry.
（如果孑然一人，那只会想起美好的回忆。那45秒，你不会用嘴呼吸，会磨损掉自己的顽固。*额 什么意思 看不太懂*）
Never ask people if they missed you. You're forcing them to think about how much they didn't miss you.
（永远别问别人是否想念你。你是在强迫提醒他们自己有多久没想过你。）
Want to know if someone is obsessive-compulsive?
（我想知道有木有人有强迫性上瘾症呢？）
I don't really know traditional jokes. People often begin with things like "3 nuns walk into a bar" and I think to myself "no, they didn't."
（我不太懂传统笑话。比如人们说的以“3个修女走进一间酒吧”为开头的笑话。我只是想，她们并没有啊。）
True freedom is getting to the age where you just don't give a shit anymore.
（真正的自由是在长到你可以对什么都不在乎的年龄。）
I don't understand salad.
（我真搞不懂沙拉。）
True adulthood isn't when one turns whatever age, it begins at the moment one begins to fathom the depths of their own ignorance.
（真正的成熟不在于年龄。它是以某个时刻你意识到自己多么无知开始的。）
Every man, at some point feels that they would have made a very excellent spy.
（每个男人都会在某个时刻觉得自己本应当成为一个出色的间谍。）
As you get older, you begin to actively enjoy scowling. You practice in front of the mirror to get that perfect blend of anger and disgust.Then you start scowling at things. You sit in front of screens, yelling at the news for hours, and being perfectly happy in your misery.
（越长大越喜欢表现的怒气沉沉。镜子面前你用耐心来获得愠怒和恶心的完美融合。然后，你开始对周围事物不满。你坐在电视机前，对着新闻大骂几个小时，快乐地沉浸在自己的痛苦中。）
Cheesecake is the purest form of love.
（干酪饼是爱的最纯洁的形式。）
Yogurt I think is inherently funny. It's a delightfully mediocre choice for both food and fun.
（我觉得酸奶有一种天生的滑稽。它是在食物和乐子之间的一种让人快乐的平庸选择。）
I find it amusing that people often say "You only live once" while doing things specifically designed to kill them.
（每次别人说“你只活一次（所以你可以随心所欲）”我都觉得很搞笑，特别是当那些人做些危及生命的事情的时候。）
Some people are like slinkies. They exist to give you pleasure when you push them down the stairs.
（有些人就像机灵鬼。他们在你把他们推下楼梯的时候给你欢乐。）
You know why the samples are free? Because they're shite. That's why they're free.
（你知道为什么样品是免费的吗？因为它们都是狗屎。这就是为什么。）
There's nothing more depressing than going shopping and seeing the people waiting in line for free samples.
（没什么比去购物的时候看到人们排着队等候免费商品儿更让人郁闷的了。）
Neck tattoos aren't really neck tattoos. They're more like eternal job-stoppers.
（脖子上的刺青其实不是刺青。它们更像永远的job-stopper.）
Congratulations, you're not dead. Because it's not fun. A bit of a downer, actually. 6 feet to be precise.
（祝贺你，你还没死。因为这并不好玩。其实还有点让人郁闷，准确地说是6英尺。*what does that mean><*）
Whatever you are doing, it's always best to start with baked goods.
（无论你在做什么，以烘焙的东西开头最好。）
to be continued.
我日志里搜集了他当年在爱尔兰时报上发表过的几篇文章，感兴趣的可以来看看。：）
这篇影评有剧透
