Does it really have to be this sad?

还清楚地记得看完第一季时的欣喜,带着眼泪,微笑着看着穿着婚纱的Karen跳进Hank的车里,三个人开心地就像童话故事...
当时心里真的不知道有多感谢仁慈的编剧,虽然剧中那么曲折,但结尾却美的让人甚至怀疑是出现了幻觉.
那时候甚至还觉得,这只不过是个台词很睿智的讨巧的俗套故事.
...
看这个剧的整个过程都在虐心...每次看到Karen和Hank和好的时候,都精神紧张,因为这种美好的假象很快就会被打破,而每次的爆发都会比上一次更加惨烈.一次又一次的打击,都是对坚持的无情考验. 就像Hank说的,I can't keep apologizing for something I can't change. All I can do is keep moving forward and try to become someone that you can love again. 始终是这样的,现在的感情一如当初两人初在一起时的样子,我相信一直都没有变,doesn't matter how she's mad at him, at least she knows that he's out there and that someday she will see him again.

很喜欢那个一个回忆的片段,两个人初识,在得知Karen怀孕了之后,hank留下的那封信,淡淡的只言片语...
Dear Karen,

If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don't know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I'll just say it,

I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn't looking for it, I wasn't one that make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there's feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance acquired.

She is you Karen, that's the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It's a big bad world full of twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could've changed everything.

I don't know what's going on with us and I can't tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me!

Unfaithfully yours,
Hank Moody

眼泪留下的时候,我自己都没发觉...
S4开始Hank就因为内疚,本来想麻痹自己内心,但却因为 ill effects of selfmedicating在迷迷糊糊的伤痛中写下了给becca的信...

To my dear beautiful daughter.

I'm writing you a letter,that's right,a good old fashioned letter.
It's a lost art really,like handjobs...Shit.(then canceled this line)
I have a confession to make:
I didn't like you very much at first
You were just this little annoying little blob,
You smelled nice,most of the time.
But you didn't seem to have much interest in me.
Which of course I found vaguely insulting.
It was just you and your mom against the world,funny how somethings never change.
So I cruised along,doing my thing,acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you.
And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed.
I just know that it did.
One minute I was impenetrable,nothing could touch me,
the next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest,exposed to the elements.
Loving you has been the most profound,intense and painful experience of my life.
In fact it's been almost too much to bear.
As your father,I made a silent vow to protect you from the world.
Never realised I was the one who would end up hurting you the most.
When I flash forward my heart breaks.
Mostly because I can't imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride.
How could you?
Your father is a child in a man's body,he cares for nothing and everything at the same time.
Noble in thought weak in action.
Something has to change,something has to give.
It's getting dark,too dark to see...
本没想到S4一开始就煽情,但接下来就犹如伤口还没愈合又撕裂开来一般痛苦...看着Hank无言地转身,看着心爱的人就在咫尺,而撩动发梢的人不是自己时,那一刻眼神低垂,说不尽的痛楚此刻都纠结在心头了.

I will go if you ask me to...
I will stay if you dare...



(一季就纠结这么一个trial...真让人无语~)
...
...

S4结束了,
Hank在法庭上出现幻觉那一刻,想着自己穿着号服,关在铁笼子里的样子,有那么一秒,穿越到了Agent Mulder,
原来那一刻,暴露了Hank其实无比脆弱的防线,听到3年的字样就已经支撑不住了,可这又怎么能怪他呢,他自己都说,我只是蜷在大人壳子里的孩子,管不住自己,不想硬撑,想改变,却没办法发自内心.
所以,只追求自己想要的,

后面的'最后的晚餐'很是给力,发现每一季的最后一集都能点亮整个一季.everyone is telling the truth.
很赞这个晚餐上由Rob Lowe推动的高潮,其实charlie说的话不也正是hank想说的嘛
I slept with all those women,for what?!
for trying to forget her, but it's impossible.
so,I will always love her.
紧接着the baby,the stabbed,girl's fighting,the lonely aftermath of the chaos,一个接一个,很是过瘾.

到这里,我觉得这一季的结尾已经很圆满,很点题了.
Ben下水救hank,hank脑子里想的是black jesus,这情节就好象S1开篇时候,hank做梦梦见在教堂里的ask for a hand job的bill;
ben就像一个年轻版的bill,带着个叛逆摇滚范儿的mia...

hank开着车,带着自己的打字机,开进海报的那一刻,不也就是S1开篇时候hank开着那辆破车,狂奔在公路上,急速驶过写着Crazy Little Thing Called Love的映射嘛.

...

已经一个轮回了哦,原来折腾了那么一大圈,他还在那里,她也始终没有离开.
实在想不出S5会讲些什么了.

P.S.喜欢hank在片场推到自己椅子的动作,这也是为什么一直迷hank的原因,
doesn't give a shit.
this is my story,this is my life.
you appreciate it, you don't,
it doesn't matter.