After Robbie was abadoned by Linda at the wedding,he laid in the bed in the basement,and he said to Sammy:"I don't have anything to offer." Then he met Julia.He finally got something to offer to that girl.Actually,Robbie was helping other people in town all the time.He is a wedding singer,who bring joy to guests;He has a dream as a rock star and is talented at writting songs. He is an orphan.Mom and Daddy left at ten.He has been hurt.But he is the one who always make other people happy.I think that's noble. Many people who got hurt grow to be cynical and defended,self-involved,and lose faith in love. Robbie thinks in a positive way,and he still hold hope for true love,before the wedding day.He got mad,sad,felt deeply betrayed,and began to doubt himeself as a wedding singer and even a helper without any payment. We know how much love can hurt."Take an instance,me." When Robbie sang that angry song"I used to love but it was a joke and I want a bullet shot in my head"in the hall in front of Julia,I think that's the moment Julia fell in love with him.So did I.I usually into guys with hurt and a high-esteem.I guess that's the self-rescue part,you will cure by rescuing somebody else hurting. Robbie met Julia,who looked him in the eye that we all read the message"You are so special to me".And Robbie went to pursue Julia at the last moment. I think that's the difference between men and women.When a man get hurt,he will move to save another girl in need,so as to cure himself and felt his worth once more.But when a woman gets hurt,she wouldn't get cure by loving another man,c'z that's not appropriate for a moman to be active and take into the" rescuer" role.She is espected to stay there in the blue and wait someone to show up and save her. It's getting helpless.And I hate myself.Anyway,Julia is not the girl like me.I won't let my life depend on someone else to save me,which by the way,romance only happens in the movie. I'm not Julia,and I can't be Robbie who meets Julia and be treasured and he earned his welfare by taking some moves.He is a man.That's what man should do.I don't know if I ever gonna meet some guy who is attracted by my loneliness and misery because there's anything else I can offer,to the opposite sex. I have a kind of pretty face,and a not so perfect body,a great listen when I concentrate,a hard-working student but that ambitiousness is not appreciated for most men. I learned self-doubt after the hurt by love,and become someone who is not me.And now I don't like the way I am.I had a fierce fight in the inner world every moment in the past few days.I even despise myself for thinking so negtively.Is there anyone who can understand the complicated contradiction I've been suffering? You might disgrace me but I'm the one losing faith in true love.I believe there's true love,I just don't believe that would happen on me.I'm also cursed for not helping other people,but I got my own ways to get out,by pulling myself higher and higher.A tough way,but at least it works some time.It isn't working now,and I'm back to that needy,desperate coward again.Hi me,all I'm thinking is that I don't deserve to have a guy to treasure me,looking me in the eye like saying"You are the most beautiful thing in the world.",someone who holds me and say"everything will be allright." I would like to do anything for him,too.But no,there's none,all me.I'm a loser.That's what they called. If love was red,I must be color-blind. There is tons of great speech you can throw on me,like"if you try you will find",or "don't feel inferior,you are not that bad",or"be yourself and good things will follow"...that doesn't help really. I'm going to live,whatever.Whether to success or lose in the end,it won't improve anything to self-esteem.I still gonna to abase myself for such struggle in vain.For not feeling confident in prior,for having so much contrary thoughts in head.That's me,and that's not cool. Perfectism,they call it.It rules all over me.Very mean superego.Mother never loved her much and daddy never kept in touch,that's why she shies away from human affection. I'm the kid in emptiness,like Robbie.He finds away by writting songs and helping people.I find my way lifting up.We are both innocent children abandoned by parents.Why do they do that to us? I know I'm not the only one,and there are more even worse. The absense of parents definitely effects on children's development,and I don't know how many of them has made a way out.I still went back to the homeless little girl sometimes. Can I help ? Maybe some day I will.I will. Be careful,don't be hurt by love.But sometimes it's just destiny.You can't run off,it will chase you.Eat you in and out. "I'm so in love with you."Wish someday I could say that.Wish I have the strength to make it till that day.