随笔～

只把第一集的碎碎念放上来了，每一集都很好，但是第一集让我念念不忘...第一集的文学性就值得五星啊！

ep1

‘I wandered lonely as a cloud,/ That floats on high o’er vales and hills/ And all at once, I saw a crowd/ A host of golden daffodils,/ Beside the lake, beneath the trees/ Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.’

Do you notice how “fluttering” destroy the rhythm of the poem? It’s impossible to make the line scan, if you pronounce “fluttering” as a trisyllabic word and that’s what Wordsworth intended of course. “Dee-dum dee-dum, dee-dum dee-dum,” and suddenly, that rhythm is shattered, when he sees the fluttering and dancing daffodils and the chaos of nature.

What do you do for a living?

Nothing, doll. Tracie’s a good-time girl.

How does she pay for this place?

SHE doesn’t.

Who does?

Simon.

Simon?

Yes, darling, Simon, the most boring man on the planet. Simon, who couldn’t get a wank in a brothel.

What does he do?

Teaches English.

Does he like it?

Hates it. He’s currently teaching romantic poetry otherwise known as Dee-dem-shite. “O the mind, mind, has mountains, cliffs of fall,/ Frightful, sheer, no-man travelled/ Hold them cheap, Who ne’er hung there/ Nor dies long our durance deal with that steep, deep. Here! Creep!” That’s a poem, That’s what he longs to teach. But no it’s “dee-dum, dee-dum, dee-fucking-dum.”

I won’t ask for yours. Married men don’t give them out.

What makes you think I’m married?

A lifetime’s experience, lovely. Got married too early, couldn’t go against the grain, had to demonstrate your heterosexuality. And now you find yourself in a loveless marriage, life passing you by that nagging voice at the back of your mind asking, “Oh, is this all there is?” But you’ll never leave her. So you snatch at chances like this, a chance to explore. No harm in that, so long as nobody finds out of course. Well, Tony, my love, your secret’s safe with me.

‘Willows whiten,/ Aspens quiver/ Little breezed dusk and shiver/ Through the wave that runs forever/ By the island in the river,/ Flowing down to Camelot/ Four grey walls and four grey towers/ Overlook a space of flowers/ And the silent isle imbibers The Lady of Shalott/ By the margin willow veiled/ Slide the heavy barges trailed by slow horses and unhailed/ The shallop flitteth, silken-sail’d/ Skimming down to Camelot./ A bow shot from her bower-eaves/ He rode between the barley sheaves/ The sun came down dazzling through the leaves. And flamed upon the brazen greaves’

表面/社会层面上是无趣的SImon，内心/夜晚是奔放的Tracie。Simon是Tracie的自卑面，Tracie是Simon的自由面。但我觉得Tracie并不是真正的自由，因为她没有自信，依旧在寻找温暖。我觉得Tracie是一个单纯大胆的孩子，接近她后会发现她的房子周围没有任何围墙。我总担心她被别人骗、受伤。她容易把心里肉敞开给别人。嘴上说着无所谓对方是否真心，其实很希望得到爱。甚至不用反馈爱，当她感受到一点点暗示，就能掏心掏肺。

其实是一个花心又自私的男人同时欺骗老婆和小三的故事，Tracie其实就是千万个被大叔骗的故事里的女孩。但因为Simon/Tracie身份的特殊性，让这个故事有了多层含义。

当陪审团宣布Tracie无罪时，我松了一口气，为最终Tracie选择上场的勇气鼓掌，惊艳于Tracie陈述时的冷静坚定、有理有据。但同时也为我先前的想法感到羞愧。

看的过程中总是很忧心，因为觉得这个故事是一个悲剧结尾。看着Tracie总是很担心她，觉得她弱小无助——其实就是可怜。可是我凭什么觉得这是个悲剧故事呢？我又有什么资格觉得Tracie是一个可怜的姑娘呢？我总以为我足够尊重Tracie这个群体，现在才发现我的“尊重”是表面、虚假的——因为我不相信和主流群体有别的他们的生活会是“顺利”的。我以为，就算在越来越强调尊重各个群体的今天，（大多数）社会规则——包括明确写出来的法律和大家默认的道德，不管是正不正确、合不合理——依旧是为主流群体制定的，那么主流群体也就更适应这些规则。作为主流群体的我，这一生都有前辈可以询问，甚至可以说，我只要按照长辈、老师、前辈们的指导走下去，一生不会出什么大的差错。但我总担心Tracie们，担心没有和大多数人走在一起的ta们出错，其实就是不完全信任这个群体。

想到这里，我才真正明白当自己不是大多数人时，选择做自己需要多大的勇气。